...defeat Ganon. But Ganon turns out to just be a rumor, and the real enemy is Fanon! You call your army (which are, by the way, all Pigmasks) and they shoot cannonballs from their Pork Tanks. Fanon sends out this little piggy, but it turns out he cried wewewewewewewe all the way home. So Fanon calls his twin sister, Anfon. Anfon complains that she broke a nail, and you get so annoyed that you throw the world at her. You finish Anfon and Fanon off, but you shatter the world in the process. Great job. You lead your army into Osohe Castle trying to look for tape so you can fix the world, but you are attacked by a Whatever and its cohort. You show him an ad for the Wii 2, and he is surprised. You throw the Whatever and its cohort off the edge of the broken world, but the Whatevers are endangered, so you are arrested by PETA. You give them a pita and they will start to call you Peter. But the world is still broken, so you ask your dead mother Matchlock Gun for help. But your mother was killed by a Dinosau on top of Coriander Mount. You cry at her tombstone in Maniafam Settlement. You cry, and cry, and cry, and cry... 3 years pass, and you are now 300. The settlement you live in has been overrun by Bill's Gates. You fall down and are sent through the floor to The Room Room. There's too much room, so you use a vacuum cleaner and suck up all the room in the room. The Earth gets tired of waiting for you to fix it, so he decides it's Cataclysm Time, the only game show that you really want to watch! You are amazed by all the commercials and go sign up to be a contestant. But the producers don't like how your name is spelled, so you get the consolation price of a free maiming! Your entrails start falling out and you turn into a Gooey Goo! But the Jealous Bass is jealous that he's American and Mother 3 isn't, so he gets his friend, the Beaten Drum and the Softly Weeping Guitar. But he is amazed by your DCMC Boxers. and offers you 1,000,000 dollars if he can sniff them. But of course, the Jealous Bass doesn't have that kind of money, and he was never a fan of DCMC anyway. So he stabs you with his conductor's baton and leaves you to die in your own blood, when he is surprised to see that your wound healed when you thought of Matchlock Gun. You use this to your advantage by...